So here I am

I have been tossing around the idea of starting another blog for a few months now.  I've had a couple in the past.  Nothing fancy or even all that interesting.  In fact, I mostly just wrote about my kids.  But while I am still and always will be a mom, lately I find myself needing something for me.  That doesn't mean I won't write about being a mom.  I definitely will.  It is THE hardest thing I've ever done and I'm sure it's the hardest thing I will *ever do.  It will be a topic here, I'm sure.  

But I am hoping this blog will maybe help me find *ME* somehow.  Ever since I was very young...ever since I can remember...I have wanted to be a mom.  Other than wanting to be a teacher when I was in elementary school, a mom is all I ever wanted to be.  And now I am.  I have been for a bit over a decade.  It is "all" I am.  Sometimes...a lot of times...I don't feel like that is enough.  Surely if that were all I were meant to do on this earth, I would be better at it, right?  I wouldn't feel like there is something I'm supposed to be doing that I'm not.

Or maybe it's just that I don't know who I am besides a mom.  Take away my kids and what am I?  Nothing.  That's what it feels like anyway.  I know others see value in me as a person and not just a mom, but usually I don't.  I had my kids pretty young.  Now I am in my early 30's and feeling like I missed something.  I hate feeling like that, but I can't deny it.  I wouldn't trade my kids for anything.  But I think I owe them more.

So anyway....it has been awhile since I used Blogger and it is way different than it used to be.  Don't expect anything fancy here.  Actually, I don't really expect anyone to read this except me.  This is mostly for me.  Maybe it will help me sleep better at night if I can get some things out of my head and "put" somewhere.